Revolving door etiquette

February 18, 2012

We (as in the great marketing corporation I work for) have recently moved to new fashionable offices in West London, the sort of offices that don’t have proper (for which read “normal”) doors that open and shut, but automatic revolving doors.

I have never understood  the requirement for revolving doors. As far as I can see, they add nothing to the experience of entering a building. Mr Al-Fayed has much to blame – perhaps the fact that Harrods now has revolving doors has meant that other establishments feel the need to keep up, although I suspect the introduction of revolving doors at Harrods has more to do with slowing down the number of people entering the store at sale time.  Revolving doors, you see, slow everything down. It doesn’t matter how hard you push them and how late you are for a meeting, the revolving door will, well, revolve at the pace it is set – slowly.

Anyway, as I was saying, I have a number of issues with revolving doors.

  1. Revolving doors are not fat-person friendly. Given that half of the UK population is officially obese, fat people will soon not be able to go to work, let alone shop in  Harrods. It is bad enough being fat (obviously, not speaking from experience), without being stuck in a revolving door that can’t revolve due to the size of the occupant. Imagine being stuck between two panes of glass and having to have a fireman free you and I am sure you will agree, it does not bear thinking about.
  2. They are environmentally unsound – well, the ones with sensors that revolve as soon as someone steps in must use a good deal of electricity. I think.
  3. They cause queues. Very long queues – well, outside my office at least. I put this down partly to the British obsession with space. Don’t get me wrong, I like my space and really do not like bodily contact with anyone I am not having sex with, but even I must admit that our national obsession has gone a bit too far. If we shared a revolving door at work with a fellow colleague for instance, we would all get through the doors in half the time and, even more importantly, get out in half the time too.

So, one wet murky Monday morning, I hopped into a door with Matilda from accounts. I know Matilda fairly well ,having met her by the tea making facilities a few times – she is small and plump and around 50 and so when I squeezed in behind her and bid her a good morning, I hardly expected her to put a complaint into Human Resources. Apparently, I invaded her space and in so doing my rucksack had made physical contact with her handbag. Honestly, when the Boss sat me down and explained that I had breached the Dignity at Work Policy (what policy?), you’d have thought I was guilty of fondling Matilda’s triple E bosoms or something equally distasteful.

Anyway, now I know not to share a revolving door. A shame, given my timekeeping.


2 Responses to “Revolving door etiquette”

  1. AckFast Says:

    I didn’t think that I would come a cross a point of view about revolving doors — but, it was very interesting and fun to read.

    • alanhockney Says:

      Thank you – I must admit I didn’t intend to write about revolving doors but after that particular morning’s experience at work, the only thing I could do was write about it!

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