Nine things about getting older

March 18, 2012

I’ve had a lot of time to think today, what with it being Sunday and the Six Nations Rugby having come to an end, there hasn’t been a great deal to do other than think.

1. Everyone is younger than me. Well, everyone except for people who are older than me, and most of those are dead. Okay, slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean.

2. As you get older, birthdays creep up on you faster.

3. Laughter lines are not really laughter lines. I don’t laugh much so I know that for a fact. They are creases with dust in them that you need to clean out with a cotton bud.

4. Programmes you scoffed at your mother watching are programmes you now sit and watch – and actually enjoy. (The Antiques Roadshow is a case in point, and not just because of Fiona Bruce).

5. You don’t feel the need to shower before, during and after sex – because you are not having sex. (Well, I’m not. Much).

6. You take your shoes off when you get home and yearn for someone to buy you a pair of slippers for Christmas.

7. You floss your teeth – every night.

8. Women under the age of 30 are scary. Very scary- particularly when they drink you under the table.

9. Once upon a time, Jonathan Ross was irritating. Nowadays, he is quite amusing.

I think it is time to go to bed.

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